OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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