how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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