take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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