well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
