Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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