break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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