She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Randomize
