I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
