Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
