every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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