omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
