he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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