I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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