I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
