I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
