The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
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Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Text me some of your sweat
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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