Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
