so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
