Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
