he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
