Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
