Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
