Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
