she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
