those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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