I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
