I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
