So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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