Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
