im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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