just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
