How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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