Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
