I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
