Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
