This girl is more easily done than said...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
