He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
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I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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