Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize