youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I did not marry a roomba.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
