She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
