I'm drive I can fine osifer
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
