I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
