so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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