He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
