i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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