I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
