Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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