dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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