im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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