just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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