I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
