I look better un-naked...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
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There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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