who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
