clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
