I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was like eating out sand paper
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
