i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
