I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
