My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
