i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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