clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
