I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
