Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
