how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
