my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Rumble strips road head = magical
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
