saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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