when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Randomize
