Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
