Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
